Middos

KINDNESS
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Emulate ד׳ by doing חסד without measuring what you believe the person deserves.
• Remember that acts of חסד are also the simple things you do for your own family. (These are never written up in a newspaper!)
• Keep in mind… חסד begins at home… but doesn’t end at home.
• Realize… חסד does not always mean a large undertaking. Some of the most important types of חסד are simple, like a smile, or a kind word.
• Try to think of the ways in which you are a recipient of חסדי ד׳, (kindness of G-d), and be motivated to do חסד for others [i.e., ד’s blessed you with a beautiful home – use it to do הכנסת אורחים (hospitality)]
• Try to involve a child in your family in a חסד that you already do (i.e., cooking for someone in need, visiting an elderly neighbor).

THE MAJESTY OF MODESTY
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Remember that ד׳, the בורא עולם (Creator of the world) is only willing to be found in a modest atmosphere.
• Think before you ask someone a potentially private question. , צניעות (modesty) is also important in speech.
• Don’t reveal to others private things that should not be shared, especially relating to your marriage.
• Avoid ostentatious appearances with material possessions (i.e., home, car, accessories).
• Tone down your enthusiasm about possessions or accomplishments when relating them to others, especially to those who may not be as privileged (i.e., a new piece of jewelry, a vacation, a child’s accomplishment).

THE POWER & ART OF SILENCE
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Strive to attain the unique level of being one of the אוהביו of ד׳ (one who is beloved by ד׳). This is accomplished by exercising the spiritual strength of שומע חרפתו ואינו משיב (One who is shamed and doesn’t answer). You can  reach this level.
• When you are faced with confrontation and don’t know what to say, you will never regret choosing silence as your response.
• When you feel yourself losing control due to anger, stay silent at that moment, and only address the issue when you are calm.
• Know when to withhold your opinion or advice. Not everyone appreciates unsolicited wisdom.
• If you have nothing nice to say about someone or something, don’t say anything at all.
• If you are always the one talking, you run the risk of never learning anything new. By taking the time to listen, you can learn so much.
• At simchas or functions, show respect for speakers and the בעל שמחה (host) by remaining quiet during speeches.
• Being silent in shul (synagogue) is the key factor to maintaining כונה (concentration) and achieving a meaningful davening.

BELIEVING IN AND SEEKING THE COUNSEL OF חכמים (TORAH SCHOLARS)
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• The מצות עשה (positive commandment) of ובו תדבק (to Him you shall cleave) instructs us to listen to the the word of ד׳ through heeding the wise words of our חכמים.
• עשה לך רב (Designate a Rav for yourself) – This directive is a vital ingredient for each and every individual. Living life without the guidance of a Rav, Rebbe or Rosh Yeshiva is tantamount to being lost in a dark forest.
• Accustom yourself to asking a Rav for advice and halachic questions.
• Know that actions taken based on a Rav’s advice are blessed with סייעתא דשמייא (Help of Heaven). This is true even if you would have thought of the very same advice on your own.
• If you ask for a פסק (halachic ruling), once you are given that psak, do not shop around for one you make “like” better.
• Always be respectful of Rabbanim, even when they are different than your own Rav.
• Speak about the greatness of our גדולים (Torah giants) to your children. This is accomplished by sharing stories of צדיקים (righteous ones) with them. They will ultimately learn to love, respect, and value the opinion of דעת תורה (advice of Torah scholars).
• When you receive a פסק הלכה (halachic ruling), be comfortable with the knowledge that your Rav is a שליח (messenger) of ד׳, especially when his psak seems like a קולה (lenient ruling).
• Do not be embarrassed or feel ashamed to consult a Rav regardless of the issue. Once you find a Rav whom you trust and can speak freely with, you will feel a weight lifted off of your shoulders.

JUDGING YOUR FELLOW JEW FAVORABLY
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• One fulfills the מצות עשה (positive commandment) of בצדק תשפוט את אמיתך (With righteousness you should judge your friend) when giving a person the benefit of the doubt. Realize that this is a commandment and not just a nice thing to do.
• Always remember that the way we judge others determines the way the רבונו של עולם (G-d) will judge us.
• Stop yourself from judging others negatively by putting yourself in their shoes and trying to understand where they are coming from.
• When you find it difficult to judge someone favorably, imagine that they are someone close to you (i.e. sister, daughter) and who you would protect under any circumstances.
• כל ישראל ערבים זה לזה (All of Klal Yisroel are linked one to another). Appreciating the differences in people, regardless of their outward appearance, will allow us to realize that we can all learn from one another.
• Be careful not to stereotype others, particularly in front of young, impressionable children.
• Always assume that there’s more to every situation than meets the eye.
• Even if you cannot justify someone’s behavior, consider that perhaps they aren’t aware of the seriousness of their actions.
• When you find yourself in a situation where your emotions are tainting your judgement, call someone you know you can trust to give you a different perspective. Note: Always remember to follow the guidelines of speaking/venting לתועלת  (considered halachically permissible).

UPLIFTING THE HOLINESS OF CHOL HAMOED
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Take the time to start learning two הלכות (laws) a day from the ספר חפץ חיים [a well known סגולה (an action that has proven to bring heavenly merit) for הצלחה (success) and ישועה (salvation) in all areas].
• Begin your day by reciting the תפילה (prayer) of the Chofetz Chaim* to refrain from speaking לשון הרע (evil talk).
• As it says in the Igerres HaRamban, accustom yourself to speaking in a soft tone of voice.
• Before you speak, imagine that your words are being recorded and ask yourself if you would be embarrassed to hear them played back.
• The power of speech is so great. Make sure the words that you use are words that will build and not destroy. Always try to be positive.
• Be sensitive when using words that may hurt or cause pain to others (i.e. that’s so retarded…)
• Choose an hour each day to be extra careful with your speech. This will set the tone for how you will speak the rest of the day.
• Remember: Your mouth is a holy vessel. ד׳ will be more receptive to תפילות (prayers) that come from a mouth that speaks kindly and responsibly (as stated in the introduction of the Sefer Chofetz Chaim).

HUMILITY
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Recognize that any talent or skill that you have is a gift from ד׳. (You cannot boast about something that was not yours to begin with.)
• Accepting criticism is never easy but if you try, you will find that you can learn something from it that will make you a better person.
• Speaking with a soft tone is a reflection of one’s humility. It takes a lot of practice!
• When you find yourself at the center of attention (i.e. being a hostess at a simcha), stop for a moment and thank the רבונו של עולם (G-d) for the ברכה (blessing) He has given you.
• Patience is a virtue, a sign of true humility, a middah that ד׳ admires and loves.
• Try not to interrupt when other people are speaking; this shows that what other people have to say is as valuable as what you have to say.

GLORIFYING G-D’S NAME THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Try to think about how your actions may appear to others before doing something that may be inconsiderate. (i.e., double parking, blocking traffic to carry on a conversation.)
• Remember that others are constantly judging כלל ישראל (Jewish Nation) based on your behavior. (i.e., cutting the line or being pushy when shopping)
• Be conscious when and how you speak on your cell phone. Do not be oblivious and ignore those around you (i.e., when paying at a cash register or in the waiting room of a doctor’s office).
• Be motivated to conduct yourself as a model Jew, particularly when working in a secular environment (i.e., honesty, complete respect).
• Remember that  קידוש ד׳ applies to everyone: non-Jews, non-observant Jews, and religious Jews.
• When faced with daily decisions, always take ד׳ into consideration. Realize that you can be constantly מקדש שם שמים in your everyday actions [i.e., being מותר (gracious in compromising) speaking kindly to others].

UPLIFTING THE HOLINESS OF CHOL HAMOED
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Always be conscious to speak positively about חול המועד. (Chol Hamoed: Intermediate Days during Pesach and Sukkot). The way you treat it determines the attitudes of those around you.
• Choose attire for חול המועד that would be worn for a formal occasion. (i.e. bris, women’s tea.) This applies for yourself as well as your children.
• During חול המועד, try to eat at least one meal together as a family.
• Become familiar with the הלכות (laws) of חול המועד.
• Choose appropriate חול המועד activities or vacations. Be sure that your day feels more like a יום טוב (Yom Tov) than a weekday.
• Try to make one uplifting visit during חול המועד (i.e., rabbi/teacher or grandparent).

ALACRITY (SWIFTNESS)
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• מצוה הבה לידך אל תחמיצנה – Don’t procrastinate when presented with an opportunity to do a מצוה.
• Motivate yourself to be the “someone” the next time you think that “someone else will probably take care of …”
• Try to act immediately once daily on a positive thought of something you need to do [i.e., a חסד (kindness) or davening].
• Get in the habit of responding right away when someone makes a request of you (i.e., parent or spouse).
• Be a זריז. If someone has a troubling situation that is not directly related to you, get involved anyway and try to help (i.e., assist someone in finding a job, giving directions to someone who looks lost).
• Follow the example of our גדולים (Sages) when you daven (pray) or bentch (say Blessing after Meals). Motivate yourself to get up enthusiastically and get a סדור (prayerbook) and use it to say על המחיה or אשר יצר. This is a great סגולה for sustenance and health.
• Be a good role model for your children. If you want them to listen right away, make a special effort to respond the first time when they ask you for something.

RELYING ON ‘ד (G-D)
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Consciously work on feeling that the רבונו של עולם (Master of the World) has a personal connection to you.
• Constantly make ד׳ (G-d) a part of your vocabulary; Get in the habit of saying, “with the help of ד׳” (with G-d’s help), and “ברוך ד׳, (Blessed be G-d)…”
• Say גם זו לטובה (this is also for the best) when something does not go the way you wanted it to go, and really believe that everything that ד׳ does is best for you.
• Consider an unexpected expense as a כפרה (atonement) – the money spent was not intended to remain your possession.
• Keep calm, when worrying about something that you cannot control, by saying that ד׳ is in complete control and that He always takes care of you.
• Teach your children to converse with ד׳ constantly; in this way your children can develop a relationship with ד׳ (i.e.,when your children hear you ask ד׳ to give you success with shopping, they will learn to ask ד׳ for help with their studies.)

BEING EVER SO GRATEFUL
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Accustom yourself to thanking Hashem for the little things (i.e., getting a parking spot, or finding something you were missing.)
• Try to be appreciative of even the things that may seem inconvenient, but have an important purpose, like rain.
• Train yourself and teach those in your family to thank the giver before a gift is used. (This requires effort but can change your whole outlook!)
• Appreciate the people who help you everyday; it is so easy to take them for granted (i.e. parents, rabbis/teachers, spouse…)
• Appreciate when things go smoothly and when they don’t, be sure to remember and be grateful for all the times that they do (i.e., not feeling well, being caught in traffic).
• Choose one person each day to thank for something that you usually take for granted (i.e., thanking a mother for making supper, thanking a child for putting clothes in the hamper…)
• Appreciate people’s efforts even if nothing materializes (i.e., when someone makes the effort to suggest a shidduch that is not appropriate or does not happen).

TRUTH
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Ensure that your actions are consistent within your life (i.e. you can’t seem to get out of bed to daven, but getting up early to go on a trip is easy).
• Stop. Analyze. Are you really saying that white lie for Darchei Shalom (to keep the peace) or do you have other intentions?
• Keep your word.
• Realize that the most important time to be honest is when your children are watching you. They copy what you do more than what you say (i.e. ignoring age limits on admission prices).
• Be honest with how you present yourself to others. Don’t be אחד בפה ואחד בלב (two-faced).
• Be gracious with a full heart. Don’t offer help to others “just to be nice.” (i.e., Make sure that you really mean it and follow through.)

ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

The precise definition of Areivus is a guarantor. Just as a guarantor is liable for what he guarantees, the רבונו של עולם (G-d) made us all guarantors for one another. עריבות is not merely a good middah – it is a full-fledged commitment to be morally, physically and spiritually responsible for every Jew.

• Be מתפלל (pray) for those that are need of a ישועה (salvation) like Jews in captivity (Shalom Mordechai HaLevi ben Rivka, Yehonatan ben Malkah)

• Make a conscious effort to make a  Kiddush Hashem at all times (inside and outside one’s home) so that Jews who are not yet frum will be inspired to find out more about what it means to be a quality observant Jew. Remember that our actions are a reflection of who we are as a nation, all for one, one for all.

• Sending an encouraging email or text  to someone who needs it, twice a week just to raise their spirits is yet another excellent example of feeling the, עריבות (interconnectedness) towards another Jew.

• When someone you know is going  through a traumatic experience (i.e.,  divorce, illness, loss of job), offer what you can to help them and let them know that they can rely on you.

• Just as you would run to save your  friend from an oncoming car or protect him from eating something poisonous, so too, it is your responsibility to keep him/her spiritually safe [gently reminding/educating someone regarding i.e., הלכות שבת (laws of Shabbos) , שמירת הלשון (guarding one’s speech) and צניעות (modesty)].

• Thousands of your fellow Jews are  yearning for the sweet taste of Yiddishkeit. All it takes is a half-hour to an hour a week. Each and every one of us has what it takes to bring these searching souls one step closer to Judaism and bring כלל ישראל one step closer to Moshiach’s arrival.

Excerpt of a free translation from a Kol Koreh signed by Gedolei Yisroel in America and Eretz Yisrael “We have merited to see, with Hashem’s mercy, a great spiritual reawakening of people with a great thirst for the word of Hashem… For this reason we consider it a holy obligation to strengthen this sacred initiative (Partners in Torah) and help broaden its scope and impact (by joining Partners in Torah)…In the words of Rav Shlomo Wolbe זצל regarding people who volunteer for Partners in Torah, ‘Tell them they are shutfim (partners) with Mashiach tzidkeinu.’” Areivus is the essence of Yiddishkeit (Judaism). Areivus does not only mean a guarantor. It also has the same letters as meurav which means intertwined, and VeHaarev which means sweet. There is nothing that brings the Ribbono Shel Olam (Master of the World) more sweetness than when we are intertwined like the threads of one beautiful fabric.

 

How do I join Partners in Torah?
Call 1-800-study-4-2
Email info@partnersintorah.org
Visit the website at www.partnersintorah.org
You can also contact Partners in Torah to order free Partners in Torah business cards to hold onto and pass onto others when the opportunity presents itself.

 

 

LET IT SLIDE!
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Remember two words when you are the recipient of something unpleasant-Be מותר (gracious in compromising)! These two words will make your Olam Hazeh and Olam Habbah (this World and the World to Come) eternally beautiful.
• Keep in mind that ד׳ (G-d) is behind everything that happens; the people you encounter are only the messengers. “Don’t shoot the messenger!”
• Picture every difficult encounter as a נסיון (test), and motivate yourself to try to pass at least once a day.
• Give your children the key to a happy life. Let them always remember your words Be מותר (Let it slide)! Show them by example.
• ד׳ deals with us מדה כנגד מדה (measure for measure). Guarantee that ד׳ will overlook your shortcomings, by you overlooking the faults of others.
• Allow yourself to see the frivolity of your occasional conflicts by looking at the many צרות (hardships) that are occurring in the world.
• Realize that relationships can be built or destroyed based on these words, “Be מותר” (Let it slide!).

HELPING TO CARRY THE BURDEN OF YOUR FRIEND
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Train yourself to be a good listener (i.e., maintain eye contact, don’t interrupt, look attentive…)
• When you hear of someone who is need of a ישועה (salvation), even if you don’t know them, say a heartfelt תפילה, (prayer) and specify their needs.
• Dedicate at least 30 minutes each week to working on שדוכים (matchmaking). Everyone can do something in some capacity!
• Look to do an act of kindness for a person outside of your family once a week (i.e., moving an elderly neighbor’s garbage cans, cooking for someone who needs it).
• Try to invite guests for Shabbos who need the invitation the most.
• When you see someone who looks down, give them a smile, and offer the person some kind words.
• Constantly look out for opportunities to be compassionate; in this way you will train yourself to naturally become a more compassionate person.
• Share with others the bounty that ד׳ (G-d) has provided. This includes material possessions, a kind heart and a listening ear.

VIEWING PEOPLE POSITIVELY
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Be a “farginer”(happy for others’ good fortune). When hearing of the simchas and triumphs of others, don’t begrudge them of their successes, be happy for them (i.e., pick up the phone and make a phone call and express your good  wishes).
• Constantly fulfill the great mitzvah of ואהבת לרעך כמוך (loving your neighbor as yourself) by training yourself to be as happy when you hear of someone else’s simcha as you are with your own.
• Foster an environment of עין טובה (viewing people positively) within the family. Begin practicing this with family members being happy for one another’s personal successes and achievements.
• עין טובה (viewing people positively) also means interpreting life’s events in a positive light.
• Train yourself to use the words גם זו לטובה (all is for the best) when things don’t go exactly as you planned, and realize that everything ד׳ (G-d) does is for the good.
• Learn to speak and interpret life’s events in a positive light. Always view the glass as half full rather than half empty.
• Emulate the middos of ד׳ (G-d) by focusing on the good in everyone. People learn more about you from what you say about others than what others say about you.
• When you encounter someone in a bad mood, don’t allow it to be contagious; counteract it with words of encouragement and comfort. This just might minimize their bad mood.

PEACE OF MIND
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Be realistic and practical when setting your daily goals. Aiming to overachieve is a sure recipe for stress!
• Having limited expectations will enable you to avoid disappointment.
• Applaud yourself on even the smallest accomplishments. Feeling good about yourself is key to a healthy mind.
• After putting in your best efforts, remember the מאמר חזל (counsel of our Sages), לא עליך המלאכה לגמור. Do the possible and leave ד׳ with the impossible.
• Harboring grudges completely disrupts peace of mind. Letting go is liberating for the mind and soul.
• It is extremely important to set aside time for yourself to unwind (i.e. take a walk, listen to music),
• Designate shutdown time for your phone/blackberry during important hours of the day. (i.e. dinner time, spending time with children while driving or at home…)
• Talk to the רבונו של עולם (G-d) from your heart throughout the day. When we truly believe that ד׳ is in the driver’s seat and we are merely His passengers, only then will we be able to have true מנוחת הנפש.

BEING IN CONTROL- STAYING COOL
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Follow the advice of the renowned צדיק (righteous person), Rav Binyamin Zilber of Bnei Brak, and try to be מותר (compromising) at least once a day.
• Once a week, during a moment of anger, do not react. Preferably put it to the side until you’re able to respond calmly.
• From time to time, stop and think before you speak. (i.e., if you must speak about a subject that upsets you, review in your mind the exact words that you will use.)
• A wonderful סגולה (an action that has proven to bring heavenly merit) for anger control is to learn the אגרת הרמבן (see Materials) once a week – it does wonders!
• Keep the אגרת הרמבן posted in a prominent, high stress location-it really helps!
• Constantly practice to speak softly.
• Help teach people in your household by example the virtues of being מותר (compromising); it brings tremendous סייעתא דשמייא (help of heaven) into your life.
• At a moment that you feel your anger spinning out of control, imagine someone that you respect is in the room with you.
• When you can no longer control your anger, walk slowly into a room, and close the door. (But don’t slam it!)

WHO IS WEALTHY? A PERSON WHO IS SATISFIED WITH HIS PORTION
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Focus on the bounty of life we are given. From time to time, when you are about to walk into your front door, kiss the mezuzah, pause, think, and appreciate all that lies inside.
• See the struggles that others are dealing with, and recognize how fortunate you are.
• When feeling envious of others, realize there is always a bigger picture that you are not aware of.
• Try to begin a sentence, “Aren’t we lucky that…” once during each week and once over Shabbos.
• Thank ד׳ (G-d) for the small things in life, and point them out to those around you. (i.e., the beauty of nature, the profundity of an orange that ד׳ (G-d) created in bite-size pieces, finding a parking spot.)
• Take a visit to a nursing home or a hospital to gain an appreciation for your own health and vibrant life.
• Focus on all that you are capable of; the fact that you can walk up steps, that you can dress yourself, that you have an income…
• Appreciate not only your immediate family, but be grateful for your extended family, aunts, uncles, grandparents. Seeing others who are missing any one of these relatives will show you how fortunate you are.

BE LIKE THE STUDENTS OF AHARON – LOVE AND PURSUE PEACE
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Whenever you need to be the individual to listen to someone’s arguments or anger, always try to say something positive. Look to diminish the angry emotions and never say a word that could fuel the fire of the argument.
• Endeavor to be the first to apologize in one out of every two disagreements that you have. [By following this advice, you will have סייעתא דשמייע (Help of Heaven) to eventually have the ability to always be מותר (gracious in compromising.)  Accept apologies the first time they are offered.
• When apologizing, do it whole-heartedly with no strings attached.
• When giving criticism, use a soft tone, make sure it is a good moment, and use the sandwich method; put the criticism between two compliments (genuine ones).
• When it comes to difficult relationships, use Rav Yisroel Salanter’s method: In dealing with these individuals, be extremely gracious- go out of your way to do something nice for them.
• Foster and develop relationships with family members that are difficult to deal with by calling them periodically.
• During daily interactions with people, at least once a day, consciously take something that should bother you and let it slide. (i.e., comments between husband and wife or between parents and children and vise versa).

UPLIFTING SHABBOS
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Someone should prepare in advance, a דבר תורה (words of Torah) or story that will initiate Torah discussion and create the appropriate environment at your Shabbos table. At least one of the Shabbos meals should have a special למוד (learning) at the table, [i.e., learning a halacha of Shmiras Halashon (laws of guarding your tongue) from the Chofetz Chaim daily companion, or a halacha relating to Shabbos…]
• There should be no criticism at the Shabbos table.
• Assess a realistic time frame for the children, based on age, to remain at the table. Tell them your expectations; after that time they are free to go and play. Consider any extra time spent at the table as an added bonus.
• Ask each person to mention a חסד (kind deed) that they did or were involved in during the week- a great way to encourage chesed throughout the week.
• Singing זמירות (Shabbos songs) together will enhance the קדושה (holiness) of the סעודה (meal) for the entire family. Sing at least one זמר (song) per meal. Choose נגונים (tunes) that most of the family know and enjoy.
• Do not discuss any weekday matters at the Shabbos table (i.e., any plans outside of the day). Even as a guest at another’s home, make a concerted effort not to participate in any weekday conversations.
• Reading material for Shabbos should be appropriate and uplifting for Shabbos (to the exclusion of circulars, as well as all types of advertisements that are מוקצה (prohibited).
• Don’t push Shabbos out the door. Appreciate Shabbos even during long summer days. It is the source of ברכה for the entire week to come. One should refrain from saying, “I can’t wait till Shabbos is over.”
• Always remember that Shabbos is מעין עולם הבא, a glimpse of the World to Come. Your עולם הבא will be the result of your Shabbos experiences.

UPLIFTING EREV SHABBOS
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• Your whole week can be elevated by doing something every day , לכבוד שבת (in honor of Shabbos). Just say, “I’m buying this or cleaning that or cooking this , לכבוד שבת (in honor of Shabbos).
• Begin your day on Friday by reciting the יהי רצון (prayer – see page 4 of calendar) that asks Hashem to maintain happiness in your home for Erev Shabbos and throughout the whole Shabbos.
• Try to set your Shabbos table Thursday night.
• Choose one task that you generally leave for the last minute before candlelighting and do it on Thursday.
• Set your goals for Friday realistically. Only do what is necessary for Shabbos.
• Play some upbeat music to increase the good mood of your home on Erev Shabbos.
• Keep in mind that Erev Shabbos is compared to the preparation we do in עולם הזה (this world) for עולם הבא (World to Come). You don’t want to go into עולם הבא wishing you had a few more minutes.
• Envision the שטן (evil inclination) at your side throughout the day on Friday trying to make you stumble, and rise to the challenge.
• When provoked on Erev Shabbos, repeat to yourself, “Do not get angry, do not get angry.” What a victory!
• Check the time of Candlelighting and set a goal to be ready 5-10 minutes earlier.

GREETING EVERYONE IN A PLEASANT MANNER
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

Try to greet family members , בסבר פנים יפות (in a pleasant manner) (i.e., parent, spouse, sibling, child). Do not underestimate the power of your smile and sweet hello at the end of a hard day of school or work.
• Do something gracious for a non-family member. (i.e. friend, neighbor, acquaintance)
• Greet a stranger , בסבר פנים יפות (in a pleasant manner) (i.e., in the park, grocery store, on the street). Give a sincere hello and a warm smile.
• When doing someone a favor, do it with a smile, even if it is difficult.
• Speak respectfully and graciously when dealing with everyone, Jews and non-Jews alike. (i.e. deliveryman, cashier, cleaning lady, telemarketers)
• You have the power to make another person’s day by saying please, thank you, and have a nice day!
• Pick up the phone once a week and call someone who would appreciate some kind words. (i.e., elderly grandparent, someone out of work, someone not well, someone going through a difficult time.)
• Give an encouraging compliment to a family member daily.
• Give a compliment once a day to a non-family member.

A smile and a compliment
are free and take so little time!

Recommendations to acquire this מדה  (character trait) and make it a part of your life:
Several of the suggestions mentioned below were taken from Praying With Fire by Rabbi Heshy Kleinman (NY: Artscroll- Mesorah).

– Before you begin to daven, take just a few minutes to clear your mind of distractions.
– Focus on the fact that you are about to stand before ‘ד (G-d). Create an actual mental picture for yourself.
– Pause before every ברכה (blessing) and glance at the header of the ברכה.
– Talk to ‘ד all day. Throughout your day to day tasks, talk to Him. When you get into the car, daven for a safe trip [i.e.  לישועתך קויתי ד׳ for Your salvation, I hope…)]
– Try to say your ברכות  (blessings) slowly and if possible aloud. [i.e., ברכות on food, אשר יצר (blessing following the restroom)]
– Memorize a פרק (chapter) or two of תהלים, (Psalms) to be able to say when appropriate. [i.e., ‘פרק קל (Chapter 130) when in need, or ‘פרק ק (Chapter 100) to express thanks.]
– Try to always daven from a סדור (prayerbook), even if you know the תפילה, (prayer) by heart [i.e., ברכת המזון, (Grace after Meals)].

HONORING PARENTS, TEACHERS AND TORAH SCHOLARS
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

ספירת העומר is a time when we work on improving ourselves and our relationships בין אדם לחבירו (between man and his fellow). Focusing specifically on these crucial relationships will not only help us attain this goal, but will impact our lives in unimaginable ways.
• Remember the מאמר חזל (teaching of our sages) that equates כבוד הורים מורים ורבנים with giving honor to ד׳. This is to be taken literally!
• Refocus your attitude and allow yourself to view parental requests as golden opportunities.
• As you grow older, your roles are continually changing. As this happens, you should come to appreciate, admire and love your parents (and grandparents if you are fortunate to have them) even more than you always have, realizing all that they have done for you.
• Verbalize affection and love towards your parents (and grandparents) at least once a week. It makes a world of a difference for you and to them.
• Be sure to express your appreciation for Torah mentors/rabbeim/ teachers, especially those who teach your children. Doing so encourages them tremendously to continue in their עבודת הקודש (holy work).
• After attending a Torah שיעור (class) that you may have not related to or you might have disagreed with, out of respect for the speaker, do not criticize or speak disparagingly.
• Do not under any circumstance put down a child’s Rebbi or teacher in front of him/her. Even if you feel strongly that your child was wronged, handle the situation in a respectful manner when the child is not present.
• The best way to teach כבוד הורים ומורים is by example. Demonstrate to your children your devotion and admiration towards parents, grandparents and דעת תורה (Torah advisors).

RESPECTING YOUR FELLOW JEW
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• When speaking to others, always give them your full attention – don’t make them feel as though something else is more important than them.
• While in the midst of a conversation with someone, think carefully whether it’s the right time to answer a phone call, especially when the conversation is with your own child.
• Realize the importance of complimenting others. A compliment is the fuel that generates so much positive reaction and feeling.
• When on the phone, think twice before you put someone on hold and if you must, then be sure never to leave them hanging.
• When doing someone a favor, do so genuinely. You do not want to leave someone with the feeling that what you are doing for them is a difficult burden.
• Do whatever you can to save someone from embarrassment. Remember the words of חזל (our sages), “It’s better to jump into a fiery furnace than to embarrass someone publicly”.

PATIENCE
Recommendations to acquire this מדה (character trait) and make it a part of your life:

• When you find yourself in a situation where your patience is being tested, remember that ד׳ is the One who controls when, where, and how things happen to you, and it is He who has given you the בחירה (choice) of how to respond.
• Recognize your own body cues when you begin to lose patience. This will make it easier for you to take a step back and compose yourself before you lose control.
• Always expect things to take longer than you initially think they will. Doing so will help you to have a greater tolerance level with minimal disappointment.
• Patience includes thinking before you speak and before you pass judgment.
• Patience is manifested in your body language, tone of voice, and patterns of speech. Others will pick up signals of impatience very quickly through these cues; therefore you must work diligently to control them.
• Driving under the influence of impatience can place you and your passengers in jeopardy.
• When planning to address someone regarding a sensitive matter, don’t rush just to get it over with. Have patience and pick the right time to discuss the matter; it can make all the difference in how the person accepts what you have to say.

The difference between growing up in a home with patience and a home where it’s constantly lacking is the difference between walking in a beautiful garden on a gorgeous day or walking in a torrent of rain on a muddy road at night. –Rabbi Zelig Pliskin (Patience)